This is primarily a blog about my weight loss journey. Up until now all you have read about me is my effort to strive for a healthier me. That’s not the whole of me though; important, but not the whole picture. As my bio states I am also a wife, a mother, a geek, and a gamer, and sarcastic AF bitches! (I’m sorry, I am sure you are not bitches but very lovely people.) From time to time you may read a post that has nothing to do with weight loss but just me going off on a diatribe about my life. It is all connected; the struggles I face in life are probably similar to the struggles everyone faces. Those of us who struggle with food addiction can understand how those labors of life play a major role in weight loss or gain; success or failure. If the efforts of finding a balance between being me, being the wife, and being the mother aren’t bad enough, I also struggle with anxiety and panic disorder. All of these things can, at times, weigh heavy on me (see what I did there?!), and sometimes I look to food to take it away…or I did up until 5 months ago.
So if I go off on a tangent about my husband not putting the silverware away correctly (seriously B? separate the small spoons from the big spoons; my mouth is to freakishly small for the bigger spoons!!!) or that I feel I am rocking this mom thing (first kid, and most days I am faking it till I make it) don’t think I am not staying true to the nature of this blog. I just feel to get an accurate picture of my journey, you have to know all of me too.
We have had a good run together, you and I. For 3(mumble) years we have been BFF’s. When I am down you comforted me. When I feel like celebrating you have celebrated with me (well you and booze). You have even hung out with me when I have been bored. We have had some good times! To many good times.
I don’t know if you have noticed or not but I haven’t been coming around much lately. I wish I could tell you I was sorry about that, but I am not. See Food, while you and I were palling around, you were hurting me. I know you didn’t mean to. I know your first instinct is to nourish me and actually keep me strong, but we have become codependent on one another. Our relationship went from something good to something bad. I don’t know how to let you down easy, but I am spending more time with Health now. Trust me Food; it’s not you it’s me. I don’t know how to control myself around you sometimes, and I overindulge more often than not. It’s not your fault entirely; it is really about me and my lack of self-control around you.
I honestly can’t live without you Food, so this is not good bye. I just can’t come around when you’re bad. There are a lot of good things you can bring to the relationship. I need those things! You do, however, have a lot of negatives as well. When you’re feeling sugary, greasy, or overly salty I have to stay away. I can’t be around you when you are like that; it is too hard to be with you during those times.
This should break my heart, but it doesn’t; Health just gives me so much more right now! Maybe Health, you, and I can all come to a harmonious place together. One day we can all be the friends we were meant to be. For now, I have to back off of our friendship and not spend so much time with you. One day Food, you will realize this was for the better. Until that time, remember, it’s not goodbye…not really.