Game Face

So I haven’t written in a few days because life and toddlers get in the way sometimes. I am excited and a pinch proud though and have to brag on myself a little bit. Total NSV yesterday (for those not in the weight loss realm that means non-scale victory), went to a super bowl party and didn’t fall of the food wagon. I am always reading “you can do it” articles about how to survive whatever life is going to toss at you. (Much like Pinterest, I look and fantasize about being the person these articles tell me I should be, but rarely follow through on things.) This time I actually followed the advice in an article. (Hey, it’s known to happen once in a while! I have a very cute Halloween wreath that I found on Pinterest that I actually got around to making too…see I can be THAT person if I want, but I digress.) The article talked about having a game plan (see what I did there!) that can help you not consume a million and two calories. So I made a plan. Step one; fill up on good for me food at home. Step two; bring healthy food to the potluck style party. Step three; don’t overdo it on booze (our friend loves to host parties and has a fully stock bar and I seem to like to get my drink on at their parties… it’s easy to do there!). Easy plan I know, but the success is in the simplistic sometimes. I managed to only go over my points by 1SP yesterday sticking to that plan.

I had a Premier Shake here at home before going over, and made my awesome mojito fruit salad to bring along. Since I knew they were getting a sandwich platter, I decided fruit and a sandwich would be enough food.  I was only going to have two beers, but it turned out I had enough points for three beers, so I went all kinds of cray cray and drank three whole beers (mommy knows how to P-A-R-T-Y). Here’s the best part, because I didn’t go over hungry,  I wasn’t tempted by cheesecake, pigs in a blanket, or chips and homemade bean dip. Ok, I am lying about that last one, I was ALL kinds of tempted by it! I was full though so it was easy to not indulge.

It’s easy to go to a party (holiday, sports, or BBQ) and just say “To H E double hockey sticks with this sugar, I am going to tear this party up!” (Let me translate that out of toddler friendly talk “To hell with this shit, I am going to tear this party up!”) I also discovered it is just as easy to have a plan, enjoy yourself, and still not go off the rails. Realistically, the pound or two that I would have gained can easily come off; setting me back only a week or two. For me it is more than the gained weight. I have a hard time indulging and not wanting to continue the food party the next day…and next day after that. That’s the curse of the food addict!


In case you were curious about my mojito fruit salad:

4 cups of watermelon

1 cup of blueberries

1 cup of raspberries

1 lb. of strawberries

6 medium kiwis

1 oz. fresh mint, chopped

¼ cup of fresh lime juice (about two limes)

1 tbsp. of honey

  1. Cut the watermelon into one inch cubes. Peel and slice kiwis. Wash and slice strawberries. Wash remainder berries.
  2. Toss all fruit and chopped mint together in a bowl. Put in refrigerator until ready to serve.
  3. Mix lime juice and honey together in separate bowl. Put the lime glaze on about 10 minutes prior to serving.

The fruit salad is 0SP for one cup (more than a cup does start having a point value due to honey), this recipe makes about 10 one cup servings.

Liar, Liar, Googly Eyes on Fire


June 2016 vs February 2017

Scales are little liars! There I said it. You do everything right; you eat healthy, stay on track, get all that activity in. Then poof! You gain weight or stay the same.  Ok, maybe the scale isn’t lying (I mean mine does once in a while, but I have a sassy scale) but it’s not telling you what you want to hear. You step on, scale rolls her eyes, and says “not this week missy”. (No? Yours doesn’t roll its eyes? Am I the only one sticking googly eyes on the scale? Don’t read this like I am a weirdo, googly eyes make everything better.) In the past, I have listened to my scales negativity. I have busted my butt to not see that number budge at all! It is really hard to maintain momentum and motivation when that happens too; especially when you are a wee bit of a perfectionist and expect the rules of losing weight to apply flawlessly. So you stop the progress, halt all steps forward, and just fall back into the old routine that caused the problem to begin with.

Then you do research and find out that because you have both PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis that losing weight is a slow process for you. That when you are a total couch potato and start working out, your body can freak out and weight loss is stalled for a bit. You read, and read, and read and see all the ways that the scale lies to you. So what do you do when the scale lies? Find other ways to monitor progress. Now I take measurements and compile photographic evidence of my journey.  Most scales aren’t trying to be jerks (), but for the most part they are just trying to tell you the facts. It is up to us to become detectives in our journey. We need more than one witness to success. If you can’t keep your momentum looking at the scale, then don’t use that as your primary way to observe progress. I find pictures are beneficial for me because I see side by side how far I have come. It makes it harder for me to throw in the towel when I have visual proof that my hard work is paying off.  Part of the journey is finding what keeps you motivated day after day; so gather all the facts you can and show yourself without a shadow of a doubt that you are making great leaps in the right direction!

Dear Food…

Dear Food,

We have had a good run together, you and I. For 3(mumble) years we have been BFF’s. When I am down you comforted me. When I feel like celebrating you have celebrated with me (well you and booze). You have even hung out with me when I have been bored. We have had some good times! To many good times.

I don’t know if you have noticed or not but I haven’t been coming around much lately. I wish I could tell you I was sorry about that, but I am not. See Food, while you and I were palling around, you were hurting me. I know you didn’t mean to. I know your first instinct is to nourish me and actually keep me strong, but we have become codependent on one another.  Our relationship went from something good to something bad. I don’t know how to let you down easy, but I am spending more time with Health now. Trust me Food; it’s not you it’s me. I don’t know how to control myself around you sometimes, and I overindulge more often than not. It’s not your fault entirely; it is really about me and my lack of self-control around you.

I honestly can’t live without you Food, so this is not good bye. I just can’t come around when you’re bad. There are a lot of good things you can bring to the relationship. I need those things! You do, however, have a lot of negatives as well. When you’re feeling sugary, greasy, or overly salty I have to stay away. I can’t be around you when you are like that; it is too hard to be with you during those times.

This should break my heart, but it doesn’t; Health just gives me so much more right now! Maybe Health, you, and I can all come to a harmonious place together. One day we can all be the friends we were meant to be. For now, I have to back off of our friendship and not spend so much time with you. One day Food, you will realize this was for the better. Until that time, remember, it’s not goodbye…not really.


Barbell Blues

The gym and I have a love hate relationship. They love to take my money and I hate to visit. The first, most obvious reason is that I am a couch potato. Second, I am a homebody. I don’t like to get out much. The perfect day for me consists of anything that requires me to stay home, preferably without company (ahhh the life of the introvert). Third, I have a toddler, and the state of Nevada frowns on leaving them home alone for an hour while you go work out. Lastly, and this one is kind of important, I have pretty bad anxieties. It is part of the reason I am such an introvert. It is stressful for me to be around people, which is pretty common for people with anxiety disorders. Add to the stress and anxiousness of being out and around strangers (guess the inner kid in me never outgrew stranger danger) is the even bigger stress that I am out of shape. It is hard for people without anxieties to understand how easily a panic attack can be triggered and for the most ridiculous reasons too! Sometimes when I work out, I can feel like I have overdone it. For the normal brain, that just means cooling off and relaxing for the rest of the day. For the anxiety brain, that means I am going to die. (Ok, so that is the diva coming out. It’s not that bad, but in that ballpark.) I am actually a pretty logical person so I am constantly in an argument with myself. Honestly, it can be like a boxing match in my head sometimes; aaannddd in this corner weighing the issue with rationality and reason is logical Raine…. aaannnd in this corner weighing in with terror and trepidation it is anxious Raine.  After this happens enough times, I start to dread the gym.

At this point I am heavily considering a home workout routine. Right now, the weather is perfect, and I live next to a nature preserve with loads of trails to hike. I live adjacent to hell though, so in about three or four months it will be 100 and eff that outside. Five to six months out of the year it is too hot to do anything but melt. I mean, I see those crazy sorts out running at like six in the morning; that’s a big nope from me! I don’t like the heat, and I fry in the desert sun. So if I do go the home workout way, I will be stuck doing jazzercise videos in my living room all summer.

This hasn’t kept me from working out yet since I haven’t hit that milestone in my journey. When I started, my weight caused pain in my joints, so I bargained with myself to focus on losing first. I decided that I would give it six months of just losing weight before I started focusing on fitness (folks that means I have been paying for a gym membership for over six months that I haven’t used). That six month mark is three weeks away (eeeekkkk). This means it’s time to figure out an action plan, time to figure out a way to get me off the couch and out to the gym! It is not enough to lose the weight, but I want to be fit too. For me they are the two sides of the healthy living coin.

Chuck the ‘Bucks


$85 a month, $1020 a year; what the average coffee drinker spends a month at a coffee house. 33 grams versus 20 grams; the amount of sugar in a grande (Starbucks code for medium) caramel macchiato compared to the amount of sugar in a Snickers bar. There is less sugar in a glazed doughnut (12g) than there is in a skinny caramel macchiato (18g). We pay Starbucks good money every year to help contribute to our expanding waist lines!

These are things I didn’t even think about when I considered why I was so heavy. I thought I was doing ok because I never got the venti (large for those who do not speak Starbucks), and always had my drink made skinny (anyone else feeling like this is false advertisement?!). Since I started this program 5 months ago, I have exactly one Starbucks drink (and it wasn’t even the pumpkin spice latte! Please do not take away my white girl card). Since I do Weight Watchers I think of everything in a value of points, that one medium holiday specialty drink was 18 points. 18 POINTS! Let me put this in perspective, I could have had a doughnut for 13 points (if you get the feeling I like doughnuts, you catch on fast), a whole big kids meal from the arches for 15 points, or a like it size ice cream from a chilly stone for 17 points. All still less points than that one drink (and because I prefer food to liquid diets, way more fulfilling).

The added benefit of making coffee at home instead of the coffee house is the money I am saving. Well, redistributing actually. It is now paying for my gym membership (that I haven’t really started using yet, but that’s another topic) and my Weight Watchers membership. Both of which are extremely beneficial to my health and give me a better sense of money well spent.

This isn’t to say I will never be getting coffee house drinks ever again. I like them; they’re specifically crafted for me and millions of others to like them. Only now I view them as a special treat; a few times a year instead of a few times a week. Knowing I can makes me feel less deprived when I don’t!

Mental Status

I have lost 35lbs since 8/19. That’s 35 pounds I am not carrying around on my knees daily anymore. To put that in perspective, I am no longer lugging around 140 quarter pounders (I Lost What is a great website). I haven’t lost my weight by magic or unicorn poop (cause I kinda feel that would be the result of eating unicorn poop). Right now I am using Weight Watchers and it is working fabulous for me. There are really good free ones online (MyFitnessPal and SparkPeople are two I know of) but I love the community I have with Weight Watchers (seriously, like 98% troll free) and the smart point system seems to be working good for my metabolism.  I didn’t eat horrible before starting WW. I had my vices (hello ice cream and doughnuts), but overall I didn’t have that unhealthy of a diet. My problem isn’t what I eat, but how much I eat. Portion control folks, that’s what it is all about for me. I still have snacks; I even occasionally still have ice cream. (Shock! Gasp!) I am learning to make healthier choices overall though.

One thing that is really helping me this time is my mindset.  I don’t view this journey as a diet because diets end. I am making a lifestyle change that I can maintain after the weight is gone. Which means that when you see me eating a doughnut or french fries, I am not “cheating” on my diet. First off, we were never exclusive and we agreed to see other food. Also, it’s not cheating if I have the points for it! People have actually asked me to my face if I have already given up because I have some junk food once in a while. (And by people I mean one person because I am a stay at home mom who doesn’t have much of a social circle anymore, but still rude!) Plus, I allowed myself time to make positive changes. I realized that my bad habits were not formed overnight. These are bad habits that I have been carefully cultivating and crafting for the last 15 or so years (longer if I am honest with myself about my age). We have become good friends, my bad habits and me.  So why do I always think I can change them overnight? Breaking up is hard enough, but when you have to break up with so many bad habits at once it is too emotionally draining. It has been easier to take it slow and change habits for the better in a more fluid and natural way. The success I am having this time has taught me that this change is about more than restricting calories, it’s just as important to be in the right place mentally. If you go into this thinking about these changes negatively, then you will never develop the same relationship with good habits that you had with the bad.

Now I am going to have a 5oz, 4SP glass of red wine and binge watch TV cause going to the gym is next month’s healthy habit to form.

The Push

Last June was my son’s 1st birthday, and we decided to celebrate with my in-laws in Florida. We also decided that, for the one birthday he is guaranteed not to remember, we should take him to Disney World. We bought the photo package as proof to him one day that we are awesome parents because like I already mentioned, at one year, his memory is not at its peak! Now I know I am over weight, and I know that over the past couple years another 25 pounds creeped* onto my already heavy frame. Knowing this and seeing this are two very different things.  I had a grand plan to blow these pictures up, put them on canvas, and display them all over the house. When I saw the pictures I realized this was not the body I wanted to blow up, put on canvas and display anywhere!


Distraught, I went to my husband and suggested  strongly suggested demanded weight loss surgery. He is very pro surgery, but only when it is medically necessary and there is no other alternative. I pointed out that I was going to die without weight loss surgery (hence medically necessary). We proceeded to have a pretty big fight over this; not our biggest, but top 10. Once I calmed down (and realized I wasn’t as terminal as the diva side of me claimed to be), I negotiated with my very logical husband. If I lost at  50 pounds it would put my BMI under 40, and weight loss surgery would no longer be covered by my insurance (since I am surprising healthy aside from the weight). The deal was that if I could not lose 50 pounds naturally (and really try) before we could save the money needed for the copay, I would get the surgery. I have PCOS and a thyroid condition making weight loss a SLOW process, so I honestly thought I had this in the bag. That was five months ago in August, 8/19 to be exact. As of today I have lost 35 pounds, and I am so glad my husband had faith in me to start! I have decided that even though I am not at the 50 pound mark, I am not going to pursue surgery. I still have a LONG way to go (about 100 pounds), but I have confidence in myself that I can do this!




*Spellcheck says this isn’t a word, but this is my blog and I say it is a word. My blog, my rules spellcheck!

**No, my Christmas tree is not still almost half way through January, the current picture was actually taken on New Year’s Day.