The gym and I have a love hate relationship. They love to take my money and I hate to visit. The first, most obvious reason is that I am a couch potato. Second, I am a homebody. I don’t like to get out much. The perfect day for me consists of anything that requires me to stay home, preferably without company (ahhh the life of the introvert). Third, I have a toddler, and the state of Nevada frowns on leaving them home alone for an hour while you go work out. Lastly, and this one is kind of important, I have pretty bad anxieties. It is part of the reason I am such an introvert. It is stressful for me to be around people, which is pretty common for people with anxiety disorders. Add to the stress and anxiousness of being out and around strangers (guess the inner kid in me never outgrew stranger danger) is the even bigger stress that I am out of shape. It is hard for people without anxieties to understand how easily a panic attack can be triggered and for the most ridiculous reasons too! Sometimes when I work out, I can feel like I have overdone it. For the normal brain, that just means cooling off and relaxing for the rest of the day. For the anxiety brain, that means I am going to die. (Ok, so that is the diva coming out. It’s not that bad, but in that ballpark.) I am actually a pretty logical person so I am constantly in an argument with myself. Honestly, it can be like a boxing match in my head sometimes; aaannddd in this corner weighing the issue with rationality and reason is logical Raine…. aaannnd in this corner weighing in with terror and trepidation it is anxious Raine. After this happens enough times, I start to dread the gym.
At this point I am heavily considering a home workout routine. Right now, the weather is perfect, and I live next to a nature preserve with loads of trails to hike. I live adjacent to hell though, so in about three or four months it will be 100 and eff that outside. Five to six months out of the year it is too hot to do anything but melt. I mean, I see those crazy sorts out running at like six in the morning; that’s a big nope from me! I don’t like the heat, and I fry in the desert sun. So if I do go the home workout way, I will be stuck doing jazzercise videos in my living room all summer.
This hasn’t kept me from working out yet since I haven’t hit that milestone in my journey. When I started, my weight caused pain in my joints, so I bargained with myself to focus on losing first. I decided that I would give it six months of just losing weight before I started focusing on fitness (folks that means I have been paying for a gym membership for over six months that I haven’t used). That six month mark is three weeks away (eeeekkkk). This means it’s time to figure out an action plan, time to figure out a way to get me off the couch and out to the gym! It is not enough to lose the weight, but I want to be fit too. For me they are the two sides of the healthy living coin.